Josh's Cheese Crackers
11/15/2010

OK, so two people asked for the recipe for the crackers I made the
other day.  It's adapted from Alton's Brown recipe for "saltines", but
I've made a couple changes to it, so it's not by the book.  I have
this shit memorized, but if you're not weighing your ingredients, I
cannot help you.  Off the top of my head, 270g is roughly 2 cups of
flour by dip-n-sweep, but honestly, just get a scale.  I usually make
a double batch, which comes out to four cookie trays worth of
crackers.

320g all purpose flour (this is increased from his recipe, you can sub
in about half whole wheat flour, but that makes a denser cookie and
you'll want to add a bit more milk.  If you want something like a
Wheat Thin, you can also add a little sugar, but I usually just stick
with these basic buttery things)
1 tsp kosher salt
100g finely shredded cheese (this is my own addition, and this is
roughly the right about of cheese - you can go higher than this if you
want).

4 tbls unsalted butter, frozen

1/2c whole milk
1 large egg

2 tbls butter (salted is fine, whatever) for brushing on top
more kosher salt

Forget to put your stick of butter in the freezer ahead of time.  Chop
up your stick of butter in small cubes and stick it in the freezer at
the start of this process, it'll be fine.  Whisk together the first
three ingredients in a large bowl.  Try and keep your three-year old's
hands out of it.  Distract her with chunks of cheese.  Whisk together
the milk and egg in a different bowl.  By now, your butter is probably
frozen enough.  Cut it into the flour mixture using your fingertips.
Keep going until all the big chunks seem more or less gone - it won't
be perfect.  Wash your hands and your toddler.  Pour the milk mixture
into the flour mixture and mix with a wooden spoon until it starts
coming together.  Shit is sticky and your hands will melt the butter
if you tried to do this by hand, so stick with the spoon for a while.
Once it gets close, use your hands to bring it all together into a
large ball, it won't be terribly stick.  If you're doing a double
batch (and this recipes just doubles straight across), tear it in half
and cover one of the halves in your bowl with some plastic wrap.

To roll out, just flour your work surface (and your toddler) and roll
out by hand.  I don't bother trying to measure how thick it is, you're
looking for roughly the surface area of two cookie sheets.
If the edges get unruly, just cut them off and square it back up.  Use
a pizza cutter to cut out squares and transfer onto a cookie sheet
with something like a silpat on it.  Bake at 325-ish for about 30
minutes, rotating the trays halfway through.  They're done when they
look golden brown - the thin crackers will probably be pretty brown at
this point.  Take them out of the oven, brush with melted butter
(you'll use the 2 tablespoons completely) and sprinkle a good amount
of kosher salt on top.